Maybe I should blog again?

Google just charged me for my domain name again so I think that means I should use this page for something.

Yes!

I will blog!

Maybe tomorrow.

I'm wearing gold shoes today 'cause I'm a winner.

Dear blog,

I'm sorry I've treated you like this.  You don't deserve this kind of relationship with me.  Normally, I commit fully.  I've been busy though.  I know, I know, it's not a good enough excuse, but it's all I have.

If it helps, all summer long I keep thinking, 'I should blog about this later.'  I haven't though.  I've taken pictures to put on the blog and even composed witty opening lines.  Seriously though, I have recently uprooted and relocated my entire life.

Perhaps a list is the best way to adequately update

My New Life

1. I now live in Fort Worth, TX.  (A side list)
   • Fort Worth is a very confusing place. I am a die-hard Oklahomie; it's a condition I've had to live with for most of my life.  Tulsa is not the coolest place in the world, but it so much easier to navigate than Fort Worth.  These roads change names and curve into other roads way too often for me.  There's even a nice traffic circle a minute away from the house.
   • The libraries in Tulsa are also nicer (only I would compare and contrast libraries).
   • It's hot, too.
   • I appear to be complainy-mcgee this morning.  I think I'm still adjusting to this new non-Oklahoma life.  I apologize.
2. I'm wearing gold shoes.  I've decided to start using wisdom when it comes to money.  As I've never had money (former Christian school teacher), I don't think this will be a challenge.  I currently still have no money even more (most awkward sentence ever).  I'm not working, nor do I know when/if I will start working so I have to be wise with my money.  I've never really thought much about money.  I've never spent it exceedingly, nor do I think I will start.  However, I did buy gold shoes yesterday.  I'm a winner, and I wanted everyone to know.
3. I go to seminary now. Well, I don't go, yet, but I will be going on Thursday.  This is exciting, and slightly terrifying.  I've bought textbooks and notebooks.  It seems that I had an large supply of writing utensils from the ol' teaching days.  School supplies are my favorite thing.  Seminary does not hinder my love of school supplies.  People like to tell me lots of things about seminary and how I will both love and/or struggle throughout my time here.  Thankfully, I am one for adventure which I plan seminary to be.  I'm not allowed to wear shorts on campus, but I think I'll manage okay.  I definitely think the Lord is going to use these next two years to challenge me in ways I can barely imagine.  I, also, definitely think these are going to be highly exciting times.
4. My hair is really long.
5. A lot of this summer has been spent with some very wonderful friends.  I'm surprised how hard it has been to relocate myself.  I didn't think it would be as challenging as it has been.  I think of myself as such a solitary person, but I'm really not.  I just budget my people-time?  My school started last week; it was such a melancholy day for me.  I sincerely miss that whole place.  I miss my church, too.  It seems I gave up a lot to follow this seminary path.
6. I'm writing letters a lot more because of point number 5.  I love writing letters.
7. I have become absolutely, whole-heartedly addicted to British television shows.  I knew it would happen someday, and it's definitely a problem.  I've watched so much Doctor Who in the last week, that it's influencing my dreams.  I'm going to end up making costumes and going to conventions.  I'm still reconciling this whole situation, but I'll manage.
8. My new home is beautiful and full of hard wood floors.  One thing my students always told me was that our classroom was 'comfortable'.  I always wanted them to feel at home in that room; I think I decorate the same way.  I love making things comfortable.  There are pictures on the facebook should you feel so inclined.
9. I've been thinking a lot about the need for laughter in my life.  Maybe that's why the British tv appeals to me so much; it's full of wit.  I really enjoy laughing.  That has nothing to do with life-updates, but I thought you should know.
10. Deep final point:  A lot of times I read stories or watch movies about how people relocate and decide to completely change who they are.  It's a new start, so they become a new person.  I don't know how, nor do I think I want, to do that.  I'm definitely stuck with who I am and there doesn't appear to be room for a new kind of person.  That sentence is confusing me.  One of the things that I think helped me with the sixth graders was that I show them self-confidence at a time when they are really struggling to define who they are.  I'm so self-aware which makes me feel kind of selfish.  Oh, I'm talking myself in circles.  I think it's best to stop this point.

This has been fun.  This has been interesting.  I'd like to make you certain promises like, 'I'll write more,' or  'I won't abandon you again.'  I'm quite dependable, but life is about to get crazy interesting.  We'll see...


Note:  I apologize for the prolific use of commas in this post.  I've never had control of them.  It's a problem.

Off the edge of the earth

This summer has already been a complete whirlwind of activities, camps and trips.  I'm currently in the middle of a pretty fantastic road-trip/beach vacation.  (Note:  Yes, I understand that I'm blogging during a vacation, but it's time for the afternoon thunderstorm, and I'm at a lovely coffee shop waiting it out)

A little back story for how I ended up on the Outer Banks in North Carolina.  I used to live in Wisconsin at a camp.  For an entire winter, I did life with about 10 other people.  They are precious and dear to my life and happen to live all over the world now.  Two of these people are John and Lauren.   Because we all spent so much time together in Wisconsin, we now have this lasting friendship.  So when Lauren suggested I take a trip to North Carolina someday, I decided that it would be a great way to spend some time this summer.

John, Lauren and their two boys currently live in Nags Head, North Carolina.  My friend, Melissa and I started driving from Oklahoma, took a break in Nashville and drove east until we couldn't drive any longer.  While in Nashville, we visited many coffee shops and had good conversation with friends of Melissa.

Whether you take a break or not, it is a crazy long way from Tulsa, Oklahoma to the edge of the United States.  The last bridge we drove over literally felt like we were falling off the edge of the world.  It seems, however, that the drive and craziness were well worth it.  We have seen some amazing beauty and had some great quality time with lovely people.

I've known Melissa for years, but this has been a time for us to really get to know each other as confident adults and not crazy college students.  It has been a sweet time of good conversation.

We've spent the last few days enjoying life on the beach and exploring the Outer Banks.  The beach is stunning and so relaxing.  The weather is mild and the area is not crazily over-populated.  It's always so hard for me to 'vacation' and just stop doing things (That's probably why I'm writing this).  I have gotten to sit and stare at the ocean and listen to the waves.  Everyone knows how fantastic a beach vacation is, but I'm really learning to enjoy the peace of these moments.

One of my favorite parts of this trip has been the conversations.  John and Lauren are so enjoyable and we've done a lot of reminiscing about the craziness of our Wisconsin lives.  Lauren said something this morning that really intrigued me.  We were talking about memory and how we remember what we've lived through.  She was referring to seeing pictures of her children and wondered what would happen when she was older.  Would she still remember the moments those pictures were taken?   

I think that is a solid question because I have had so many experiences as an adult that I would never want to forget.  I wonder what makes me remember them and if I will lose that ability.  We've been reliving these stories of working in Wisconsin and those stories are still so real.  They were seriously life-changing experiences for me and I want to never forget them.  I cherish those times that I can sit and recollect with friends because when I don't remember, they will.

That's probably why God lets us live in community, not just because he loves community so much but because we live better and remember better when we are not alone.  Stories are always better when they are told by all the people that lived them.  I never want to stop telling stories.

Not a teenager.

Last week, I went to church camp with the youth group I've been working with all year.  Ah church camp and how it brings back memories of my awkward teenage years.  I fondly remember one church camp afternoon in which my friends and I walked around with towels wrapped around our heads.  You see, we enjoyed thinking outside the box.  We were so hipster before hipster was even a word.

This all started last year when my pastor's wife asked me to go to a leadership camp with some of the youth.  That fantastic experience morphed into a full-time gig.  All year, the 11th grade girls and I bonded over a variety of odd inside jokes.

Anyway at the start of camp, I basically knew the 11th grade girls and a few random others.  Through lack of effort and the whole 'I actually have a real job' thing, I never connected with the rest of the youth.  Hello church camp.

I spent the last week of my life with 60 youth, half of whom knew me as either their former teacher or as a random teacher from their school.  I always laugh when people get to know the 'real' me.  My students usually get it pretty soon.  I am crazy-weird and completely confident in my weirdness.  I also suffer from acute sarcasm.

So during camp, the 11th and 12th grade girls became my best friends.  There was much laughing and laying around on bunk beds.  I find it interesting that I can mold so well with different ages.  When I'm with sixth graders, I am a sixth grader.  When I'm with teenagers, I am a teenager.  I seriously wonder what being a 27-year-old looks like.  As I don't have major self-esteem issues, I think this ability to become like these groups can be looked at as a blessing.

My girls and I had been discussing the fantastic-ness of ribbon dancing all year long.  Since there was a talent show, we decided that we must perform a ribbon dance.  So we did.  We laughed the entire time.  I wish you could understand how skilled we are at the dance of ribbons.

The camp was not the best camp I've ever experienced, but I am amazingly biased when it comes to camp ministry.  What I enjoyed more than anything was bonding with the youth.  Earlier in the year, I had made some pretty quick judgements on some of the guys.  After I got to know them, I realized that these kids are pretty solid.  They are all crazy complex with some big issues, but they are also genuine... and hilarious.

We have all these weird inside jokes and I feel like I've suddenly become the popular kid.  I often have to stop and remember that I'm not in high school and I don't need to be popular.  I'm glad the Lord blessed me with quality time with quality teenagers.  I like this ministry.  I like that I get to share my life with them and be as genuine and open as I can be.  That's all my sixth graders ever needed; I can't imagine that teenagers are much different.

Worms!

As I was driving away from home today, I saw the lonely red tub on my patio.  Then I thought about how hot it was outside.  Then I decided the box and its inhabitants would be fine.  Then I found myself turning around and driving back home to move the box inside.

I didn't want the worms to die, you see.  

For the past three school years, my class has been the proud owner of a compost bin.  During my first year teaching, I decided that we needed a class pet.  As I didn't actually want something large and in need of much care, I decided that composting was the way to go.  I justified it with the fact that we studied invertebrates in the sixth grade.  Worms are the classic invertebrate what with the wriggly-ness and backboneless-ness (that cannot possible by a word).

So I did a little worm composting research and made a plan.  The bin had to be self-contained as the school would probably frown on my creating a compost heap on the nice manicured lawn.  My roommate came home to find me drilling holes in the tub so the bin could properly 'breathe' and 'drain' and other such composting words.  I'm pretty sure I spent an entire weekend trying to figure out how to elevate the thing- hot glue and wood scraps from by dad's.  

Then I had to figure out which worms to use.  You see, there are a lot of worms in our world.  I learned about all these varieties and was full of worm-knowledge.  Red worms are the way to go when composting.  I ordered myself a few pounds of worms and castings.  You know life doesn't really start until you mail order worms.

The sixth graders really didn't know what to do with the idea that Miss Bryan wanted to start a worm composting bin.  The girls wanted to be afraid; the boys wanted to squish them.  I wanted to convince them that worms and composting were the next cool thing.   I believe I was accused of being a tree-hugger by most of them and some of their parents. 

Never the less, we assembled our worm bin.  It required much tearing of newspaper and educating of why we couldn't put meat in the bin.  (Meat tends to smell after a few days on its own).  The sixth graders read articles about proper composting methods and we got to work.  Every week, a student would be responsible for collecting proper worm food at lunch. There was a list that included anything green and nothing dairy.  It wasn't until the k-4's came to play with the worms that the sixth graders started to be less squeamish and more appreciative of all things worm.

We ran into our first crisis when fruit flies started to breed in the bin.  They didn't stay in the bin.  Soon we heard stories of fruit flies down the hall in the fourth grade classroom.  We denied all accusations that the bin was at fault (when it clearly was).  After some investigation, it was found that the daily banana peels deposited by one sixth grade boy were at fault.  Fruit flies do love the bananas.  We banned the bananas and created a fruit fly trap.  It didn't really help, but after a few months the fly population was significantly depleted.

I think what I love most about composting is the quick results.  The students saw before the year was up what the worms could do.  The paper was no more.  Worm poop ruled!

Yes, I just said that.  Yes, I also just spent a lot of time typing about worms and their waste products. Yes, I drove all the way back home to rescue a tub of worms because I didn't want them to be too hot.  Yes, I probably am a bit of a tree-hugger.

Now to finish up this post like a good teacher blogger:
I've learned that the whole class pet thing can be not only fun but also educational.  I believe that my students now how a greater appreciation for all things worm (and they also know how to handle fruit fly outbreaks should they ever occur).

I am a sixth grader

I do not like field trips.

There I said it.

I'll probably get fired from the Cool Teachers Club.  I'll probably get fired from a club that doesn't even exist.  (Note:  I should start a club called the Cool Teachers Club) (Aside... When I was younger I co-founded the Cool Cats Club.  Our goal was to 'be cool through niceness'.  We had a notebook).

This last weekend, we went on the sixth grade trip.  Thankfully, the Lord has blessed me these last two years with a class mother who planned the entire thing.  I only had to show up.  We went to a variety of different amusing places in Texas.  The students had an absolute blast.  As far as sixth grade traditions at my school, the trip is probably what the students love best.  I understand the point of it.  These kids work so hard all year long.  I love that we can give them a special reward for being excellent servants.  Yes, we could talk about how rewards should be given in heaven, but sixth graders need something tangible too.

I think the reason I don't like field trips is because they don't fit into my sixth grade classroom.  We have a fantastic time in that room.  We are creative, funny and really crazy.  Field trips require me to let go of the control I have.  I do not handle letting go of things well.  On a field trip, I can't see all of my students and make sure they are doing the right thing.

I have had to learn how to let go of control a lot these past three years.  I work at a job with 24 living things that want to make their own choices and do not want to do things that are not interesting.  However, I am very much like these things.  I want to make my own choices and I do not enjoy boredom.  The sixth graders and I work well together because I am like them.  I have their attention span and their appreciation for childish humor.  (Never say 'whatever you do, do it well' in our class, we will all giggle).

It's exhausting this teaching thing.   This time of year I'm basically smiling and pretending like I know what I'm doing.  I've gotten so very good at pretending.   I'm walking away from the classroom in a few days, and I'm not exactly sure what life is supposed to look like now.  I do not like change, yet I am imposing a huge change on my life.  Thankfully, I've given myself a few months before I have to up and relocate completely. 

I suspect I'll be doing more of this writing thing over the next few months.  I go into crazy reflection-mode after any school year; imagine what I'll be reflecting over three school years.

Underneath My Bed

I'm moving in a few months.  That seems like quite a long time, but I like to make organized lists, color-coded charts and Excel spreadsheets when moving.  Note:  I've never been a normal person.

A quote from Hudson Taylor, missionary extraordinaire, has been making me angry lately.  (As things that serve to challenge my precious way of life tend to do).

 It was their privilege to live as men who wait for the Lord... the important thing being to be ready for Him... to give an account of one's stewardship with joy, and not with grief.

It made me realize I have too many shoes.  As removing shoes from my life is something I can only do when I absolutely must, I decided to clean out under my bed.

Note:  I'm not as materialistic as I might seem.  I just really like my shoes.

So as I was practicing stewardship, I stumbled across something that I had completely forgotten existed.  When I was in college, I created a photo journal.  It might be best to say that I started a photo journal.  In the treasure land that is under my bed, I found a leather book filled with pictures with stories and pictures in need of stories.  For instance, this picture was taken during my freshmen year of college.  It involved a college lawn full of plastic flamingos and these signs.  It is quite the reminder that college was an exceeding amount of random fun.

I've always been an exaggerator when I tell stories.  I think most people are.  I enjoyed this book because the stories I've recorded from high school and college are still the same stories in my head.  So it seems I've actually lived the life I remember living.  The yard full of flamingos was a real thing.  It's both a scary and reassuring thought, however.  I've made interesting choices that I'd rather not remember making; but I've always had some crazy experiences that have molded me into the Stephanie I am today. That sounds so cliche, but I think it's probably true.

So while cleaning out under my bed and trying to remove some possessions, it seems I've brought memories and stories back into my life that are still teaching me lessons.  You see, it's a very good thing to remember that you shouldn't feed flamingos.  I think they probably bite.

Lesson remembered.